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Music

I think one of the most underrated topics when it comes to self-improvement is music. I mean it. No one really talks about it. And not in the “listen to classical/jazz music, go to the opera, become a cultured individual” way. In the “stop listening to music all the time” way.

And before jumping at conclusions, hear me out.

I am and I’ve always been a fan of music. I don’t have a type - I listen to everything that I like. I had so many phases - Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, kpop, depressive music (let’s keep it a secret ok). You name it, I’ve been there.

For about two years, I listened to music nonstop. Not in the “music is my life” way, but in the “let’s open spotify while I’m getting dressed up” kind of way. I was listening to music in the morning, after I woke up. I was listening while I was doing homework, while I was getting ready, while I was eating. All the time. And I liked it - it’s not like I was scrolling, right?

I only noticed everything two weeks ago, when I was in an awful mental state. I was feeling like the pressure was too much, like the world was too much. I couldn’t hear my thoughts. Why? Partly because of the music that I was listening to.

Music blocks the outside noise. It is an escaping mechanism, much like social media or watching series. It makes you numb, or happy, or sad, according to the lyrics and the beat. In the end, music is content.

Let’s get back to the story. After that, I decided to search about the effect music (with lyrics, especially) has on people, and here, loves, is what I discovered:

Dopamine Desensitization: Excessive listening to highly stimulating music can lead to dopamine over-release, causing temporary pleasure desensitization, where one needs more intense stimuli to feel pleasure. Eventually, you may find it harder to feel good without intense music. Over time, this can feel almost addictive.

Dependency on Music: As many people do (and I am no exception), you might be tempted to use music as a coping mechanism, a way to escape the reality or regulate your stress levels. Over the time, though, this dependency may hinder emotional self-regulation and negatively impact your mental resilience.

False Cure for Loneliness: Listening to music is often perceived as a “cure” for loneliness. You’ve probably experienced it. Songs are relatable - they talk about love, family, trauma and all that - and this the reason for the overconsumption. And loneliness, as we know, is the no. 1 cause of depression and mental illnesses. The thing is, which I hope you are aware of, the only cure for loneliness is meeting other people, socializing. Music makes you think everything is getting better. Well, no. Everything is getting worse.

Mood Manipulation: As well as music boosts your mood…it can always take it down. Let’s say you got a bad grade. You listen to depressive music. It feels good for a moment, right? Your feelings are validated. But then the trauma and the mommy issues come to light and that bad grade leads a feeling tsunami. Music won’t let you live in the present. Wake up, love.

Internalizing Negative Messages: As a note to no. 4, humans tend to mimic everything they see and understand. So when a song is telling you that no one will miss you when you’re gone or some other bs, you believe it, huh? Because you are human. You’ve heard of the subconscious mind - find some other posts about it and read (I don’t have any, but there are plenty on tumblr - you can even find articles so dive in).

Overstimulation. Your brain is fried. Why, love, why? You need music 24/7? No, what you need is a walk in the nature and a therapy session, not living in a world inside of your head. When you can’t hear your thoughts and all you can hear are the lyrics…it’s time to stop. Please.

Note: by any means, I am not telling you to quit listening to music. What I want you to understand is that you have to live the present and be aware of your own feelings, without being influences by the break-up song of whatever singer. What I did after I noticed all this: I switched to classical music. It rebuilt my focus, it helps me stay calm and relieve stress and I don’t have to deal with the drama. Now, feel free to choose your own path. Or even keep listening to music if you think you can manage it - but stay present. I’m telling you once again.

I hope this helps! Rya

Music

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#016

Dear Diary,

At the moment, Hirotsu @fallingcamelliapetals is not at home, and unfortunately, I have far too much time to think. I've also regrettably turned to the bottle again and am becoming sentimental... how I hate that...

Damn it... everything I've been pushing down is rising up like poison.

Natsume is to blame for everything. He thought it would be a good idea to introduce us. I still remember our first encounter very well. You were so cold... just like always... For some reason, I tried to elicit some emotion from you, but I always failed. And although I generally don't allow myself to feel, I realized after a while that I had been lying to myself. Yes, I had started to develop feelings for you. But by the time I realized that, it was already too late, and you were well on your way to opening your detective agency, while my role as the leader of the Mafia was already sealed.

I really tried to hate you, but in the end, I could never quite succeed, and how I hate seeing you happy, even though I've always wanted nothing but the best for you. But I suppose it was always the realization that I would never be able to have you. Unreachable...

And now I sit here. I finally have the love of my life, and yet... fear of loss is once again consuming me. Allowing myself to feel always makes me insane. As beautiful as it is to close my eyes and slowly be drawn from the grips of love into the sea of emotions, the fear of losing it all is just as terrible... to slowly and surely perish like a fish out of water. Especially after I've learned and discovered things about myself that I didn't even know before... wants and needs I was previously unaware of.

One would think I’m a grown, old man... but in the end, I’m just a love-starved boy, full of fears of being alone...

#016

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