From Le Roman Des Franceis (AKA Li Romanz Des Franceis Or Arflet) By André De Coutance, In Which The

That is very relatable because I did the exact same thing. Here's a partial list of my own awful ideas:

It started with Marianne Le Fay (I didn't like the name Morgan, so I renamed her) being so called because she was friends with fairies in the French Alps, then shifted to her being a changeling child who was raised by fey beings after Uther and the rest of his hunting party was killed while hunting a wild boar in Broceliande. No adequate explanation was given for why a three-year-old princess was taken along to hunt a wild boar.

Camelot was actually named Caramel-Not. Bors told people in the foreign countries he was in while he had amnesia that he was from a camel-lot and it stuck. (Also, Bors converted to Hinduism, regained his memory, and decided never to go back. All this was mentioned offhand--he hadn't lived in Camelot for years and never showed up in the story).

Prior to the start, Mordred somehow drove every human apart from him and Arthur, who he kept mostly unconscious, out of Camelot through wild goose chase quests, falsely tarnished names, and more creative but always nonlethal methods.

Mordred isekai'd Guinevere to a world made of clouds. The first part of the plot was just her trying to get back.

Mordred stuck Agravaine, Gareth, and Gaheris on a boat and set it adrift so that listening to Agravaine singing "The Ballad of the Pickled Cabbage" would eat away at the others' sanity.

Gawain and "Gallahad" were best friends. Gallahad was kind of a rustic himbo, in contrast to Percival, who was older and had found the Grail before he showed up (I actually like the last bit's angst potential).

Lancelot was really evil and in league with Anna (who was evil). Guinevere, Gawain, and Gallahad all hated him.

Mordred was a sorcerer and had a strix named Deluge who wanted to be named Norman as his familiar. (I know it makes no sense but I still have a soft spot for corny socially awkward evil wizard Mordred).

Arthur and Guinevere were going to get their marriage annulled, then eventually remarry, because the marriage was arranged and also because when they first married, Guinevere was under a curse.

The whole thing began with a seventh-grade assignment to write an alliterative paragraph, so a weird number of words in the prologue started with the letter G. Thus, we have Gawain grappling a ghastly green ghoul over a golden grail (not THE Grail, apparently, but that isn't clear until much later) at the very start.

Pendragons could turn into literal dragons. Mordred, as Uther's grandson, could turn into one despite lacking the Pendragon name, since it was genetic, but Guinevere could also turn into one because she was a Pendragon by marriage. (The lore was a bit spotty). The climax of the book was going to be an epic dragon battle between Mordred and Guinevere.

There's a bit more of that sort of thing, but I'll leave it there for now.

so a few years ago, before I realised that there was such a thing as an Arthuriana fandom on Tumblr that I could mine for resources, I decided, in my infinite wisdom, to start writing a novel.

now where this goes off the rails is the fact that I a) did no research and b) had some pretty unusual ideas about the characters I was going to be using. having since found out some actual, concrete information on these characters, I thought it would be fun to go through my old ideas and see how fucking wild they are in comparison to what I now know the characters are actually like.

Kea's list of awful ideas:

morgan le fay was going to be a werewolf

king arthur was going to be colourblind and have a peanut allergy as his only identifying traits

lancelot was going to murder his abusive merchant father by staging a cart crash in the middle of the woods, then stabbing him in the confusion. for plot reasons

Nimue/lady of the lake and Lancelot were going to be adoptive siblings who were raised by the wild hunt (still kinda fuck with the siblings idea tbh)

Kay was going to be Arthur's dog.

Guinevere x Lancelot? nah, Guinevere x Lancelot's sister (also still kinda fuck with this, give that woman some lesbianism she deserves it)

the main villain was going to be some random ass faerie assassin called the Shrike, so called because it skewered knights on trees (I used to listen to far too much hozier, if you couldn't guess)

Arthur, Lancelot and Merlin were going to be in a polyam relationship and Guinevere, Nimue and Morgan were going to be in a polyam relationship, which, if you consider the two pairs of siblings in that collection, means that the family tree of these characters is literally a circle.

the Fae were going to have big fuckass bird wings for no particular reason other than I thought it would be cool

I have so many more of these, if this breaches containment I'll make another

Fun fact: the musician who sang “Puberty Love” in Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Of course, he’s also the drummer for Pearl Jam, but it’s less entertaining when you put it that way.

La Tavola Ritonda is a cavalcade of different canons:

The Lady of the Lake, Sister of Morgan and, by extention, Arthur's

Lancelot stealing from Perceval's backstory

The Split-Shield from Lancelot-Grail, given by the Lady of the Lake symbolizing Lancelot and Guinevere's sexual union, being retconned into another plot by Morgan

King Pelles being King of Organia (Orkney). Also, Amite/Elaine/Pervida's Mom* organizing the... "conception"

*(It's kind of funny, but I've always felt that Brisen and the "Queen of the Wastelands" being separate characters was pointless) *(King Pelles x Queen Brisen, woot)

Uther Pendragon is Morgan's dad**

**(per the original Prose Tristan, apparently)

The events of Pulzella Gaia/The Merry Maiden being canon here. Yes, this technically means... a whole bunch of things

and finally, Lancelot has a daughter***

***(I would sincerely like this to be Gwen's but I'm not holding my breath)

And now, for the most niche poll I’ve ever posted or even encountered on this website:

The Grail Heroine leading Galahad to the ship, where Percival and Bors wait

Stained glass by Veronica Whall for King Arthur’s Great Halls at Tintagel

this is honestly so endearing

Made fancy tea for my mom for Mother's Day. Mom served as the model for Mrs. Whitaker in my adaptation of Neil Gaiman's CHIVALRY graphic novel You can also see the china I used in the book. It's my favorite pattern.

Arthuriana never gets old, and there's always something new to be written and always something which you would not have guessed exists already.

That said, finding an Arthurian poem by Aleister Crowley where Palamedes gives birth to the Questing Beast after killing it, gets pelted with eyeballs, learns music skills equal to Orpheus', rides on an eagle, has a vision of Pan and hears the voice of Christ, becomes a hermit in Finland, and kills his own son out of necessity in the Welsh mountains was not on my bingo card for today.

@usedtobeaduchess Triad 20 is where Arthur as Terror of the Sod comes from.

Arthur has superpowers too (Sort of)

From The Welsh Triads

From Layamon's Brut

From Don Quixote. (Too bad its Post-Camlann...)

Extra Points:

I would, too.

Movie/Tv Show/Anime idea: An Action Adventure where Aliens invade Earth but it’s way back in the past, Specifically Camelot during the height of Arthur’s Reign. Now instead of eliminating or toning down the more mystical aspects of Arthurian Legend we lean into them.

Sir Kay grabs his sword and starts heating it up to make a makeshift lightsaber before growing to his giant size and slicing through alien ground troops like they’re paper.

Gawain and Ironside (the Red Knight) are just tossing aliens around like nothing with their superhuman strength. Then when the sun sets and the aliens think they have the upper hand over Gawain who loses his incredible strength at night, they hear a wolf’s howl before being attacked by Sir Marrok the werewolf.

Sir Bedwyr piercing the Aliens’ superior technology with his magic lance before darting away like the Flash, Sir Ywain using his battle lion to defend the court, etc.

Even Merlin gets in on the action, using his extensive magic to create illusions and fireballs. Morgan Le Fay even comes out of the woodwork to help, summoning lightning to attack the aliens’ ships.

Arthur, still in possession of Excalibur’s scabbard, tries to initially greet the invaders, only for them to blast him with a plasma cannon. As the smoke clears, Arthur is unharmed but his horse is a pile of ash. Arthur just looks at the alien spaceship and says, “that was my favorite horse.”

In the final battle, right when it seems like the aliens have the upper hand, one of their spaceships crashes to the ground unexpectedly. Out of the crashed spaceship comes Sir Galahad wielding a sword clearly made out of alien technology. Turns out what Sirs Percival and Bors thought was Galahad ascending to Heaven was actually him being abducted by aliens, and he stowed away when he found out they were coming back to destroy Camelot. The Knights, now emboldened by Galahad’s return start pushing the invading forces back. Galahad actually goes to the Round Table at some point, finds the Siege Perilous, and breaks the back of it off to make a makeshift shield/vaporizing weapon.

Anyway the Knights win, Galahad decides he needs to go back to free all the Aliens’ captives and lead a rebellion against their oppressive empire. He also says he’ll tell all the stars what awaits them should anyone try to invade the Earth.

I’d watch that.