Ranpo: So, I'm Going To Grab A Healthy Breakfast.

Chuuya: I find that I adore a person pleasantly more if they can speak a second language, especially French.

Dazai: Ma ciao!

Chuuya:

Chuuya: Am I the literal only gay man who likes cars?

Dazai, a dumbass: Idk why more gay people wouldn’t. Mater and Lightning’s relationship is pretty homoerotic???

Chuuya, stupefied:

Dazai:

Chuuya:

Dazai: Wait, fuck, did you mean like actual real cars?

*Dazai and Chuuya get captured and are tied together*

Dazai: Chill out slug. It's not like you've never been tied up before.

Chuuya, talking really fast: Sure. But there weren't involved a psycho and a piece of shit.

Dazai: Am I... Okay, Am I the the psycho or the piece of shit?

Chuuya: Both.

Atsushi: How do you guys handle a break up?

Akutagawa: I try to get them back.

Chuuya: Alcohol and making out with 5 people in one night.

Dazai: I listen to Taylor Swift and stare into the void.

Chuuya: Are you ready to commit?

Dazai: Like, a crime, a suicide or a relationship?

Kunikida: Why is Dazai late, again?

Atsushi, writing Dazai's report: He said he's going through an existential crisis and won't get up of his futon cause he doesn't know what's real anymore. 😅

Kunikida: 😡

*married skk au where Chuuya is an ada member and he and Dazai brought their child to work*

Dazai: Chibi, we know where the serial killer is. Me and Kunikida will go arrest him. I need you to take the baby.

Chuuya: No, you need to take the baby. I have to go right now.

Dazai: So what do we do???

Chuuya: I guess we can call that creepy babysitter we interviewed this morning.

Dazai: Turned out that babysitter is the serial killer we are looking for.

Chuuya, yelling: Even better! Two birds, one stone. We bring him to you!

Dazai, yelling: We're not giving our baby to a serial killer!

Akutagawa: Mr. Dazai, truth or dare?

Dazai: Dare.

Chuuya: Why do you always choose dare?

Atsushi: Because he’s too scared to face the truth.

Chuuya: And what’s the truth?

Atsushi: That he’s waiting for someone to dare him to make out with you.

Akutagawa, opening a door he shouldn't have opened: Dazai, Chuuya?

Dazai and Chuuya shocked, as their kissing session just got disturbed: Akutagawa?

Akutagawa, concerned: Is everything alright?

Dazai: It's perfectly fine.

Dazai: Chibi, tell him what we're doing.

Chuuya: We...

Chuuya: I'm teaching him some poetry.

Akutagawa: Poetry?

Dazai:

Dazai: Yes, I love poetry.

Akutagawa:

Chuuya: I'm surprised as you are. He can't get enough of it.

Akutagawa: I'll leave you to do your poetry then...

Akutagawa: *closes the door, regretting all his life decisions*

Kunikida: Are you sure you can handle it?

Dazai: Uh, well, let's see;

Dazai: Difficult, last-minute and crucial as hell.

Dazai: Meets all the Dazai criteria.